Solace



I used to play a song called "Solace" by Scott Joplin on the piano- if you'd like, you can listen to it here.

 

After a day measured through sips of hours-long coffee, the type of bitter concoction that simmers all day on café burners (that old farmers maybe still order at 2 or 3pm with a slice of pie), the 3 types of cookies baked and packed away for decoration in the morning, the wee hands scrubbed of snow, sugar and dough again and again, the snowpants-ed ins and outs of car seats, puddles of snow wiped up from the floor, tantrums calmed, soup slurped, bubble baths drained, blankets tucked, lights out ...

 

here I sit before the newly decorated tree in my childhood living room, two little snooze-machines one room over, my grandfather's rocking chair almost imperceptibly swaying with my breaths and eye moments, thinking of far-flung friends, telling myself to focus on the solace.



 

the lock on the dresser drawer

 

It's funny how we can rush through the days, taking for granted the existence of unhidden things in our most personal spaces. Sometimes I finally sit down to sort through boxes under the bed, or piles on a desk in a hallway that I've walked past every day for 6 months (or 6 years), only to find the most bizarre pieces of meaningless junk, or a completely forgotten treasure. How do we become blind to those things for such a length of time?

 

The other day my eyes opened to the number of locks on my dresser drawers. The drawers are life-long companions and I have varied memories of each (hide-and-seek in the wardrobe, disheveled drawers in my college apartment, secret snooping in the guest room dresser).

 

However, the pieces are all my elders and on this particular day the locks reminded me of ghostly sentinels, whispering out across the ages for me to stoop down and listen to some of their mysteries. A quick trip around the upper floor of my house made me realize that almost all of the drawers have locks.

 

Most now only hold winter accessories, underclothes, school projects, CDs...but what did they once hold? All the letters and accounts we now password-protect online must have once had their place in these drawers-- children, spouses and workers kept away from their secrets with skeleton keys.

 

Just as I sometimes think of the energy of old inhabitants' conversations and goings-on being captured in the walls and floors of my home, I now wonder what stories are infused in those drawers, and whether some old secret is adding an extra layer of warmth to my winter gloves.  

 

Lifting the Fog

Occasionally it can be hard to see anything beautiful in the world, despite the presence of an array of activities, loved ones, work, etc. Fog can settle over our roads and make it hard to see the way. The other day a thick bank of the actual stuff settled over my path. A little while in, the morning sun pierced through and illuminated the increasingly bare branches of the trees along the road in a breathtaking way. So even the fog can be beautiful, if we remember to acknowledge it. 

 

 

 

 

The Month of Pumpkins

We are now entering my favorite month of the year, October. Yesterday morning we awoke to snow, but today the temperatures rose to a balmy 45, so we took a drive through the countryside to look at fall colors and made the first of several traditional visits to the apple farm and pumpkin patch.

I love the dramatically changing colors and temperatures of this month, the crisp chill and renewing energy of the morning and evening air, the last harvests of hearty garden fruits and vegetables, the dark layered clothing, sachet-scented knit hats and gloves from the dresser drawer, steamy breath in the outside air, baking spiced pies and pot roasts, my birthday, Halloween...ahhh October!

Looking Up Through Yellow Leaves



Fall is officially here, and with it come yellow leaves on a big tree outside my parent's house. One of my favorite things is to look up through that tree as the leaves continue to change- at night a streetlamp lights them like flickering fire, and by day, they glitter like gold. This is my favorite season! 

 

Why Do You Do What You Do?

Today I bought a bag of caramel apple milky way bars and walked them around to my coworkers. It has been an incredibly challenging week for everyone at work, gearing up to an anniversary circus street festival/resident company extravaganza that is a first-time thing for us. Many details have necessarily had to wait to the last second, and there have been changes as everything has evolved. Beneath all of that we have our regular season to support, departing and arriving staff, and all of our own personal considerations.

 

The reaction that I got from many colleagues to the chocolate today was a slight exhalation, slump, smile and relief for a moment of restful sweetness. It can be difficult to keep perspective on the blessing of our jobs at times like this, or to keep sight of why we actually do what we do. After the normal workday I managed a radio promo event then got to see the opening night performance of Evil Dead the Musical. The promo winners and crowd around me were giddy in anticipation of sitting in the "splatter zone" and getting covered with fake blood. They wore white costumes, laughed at the throwback movie one-liners, and enjoyed their time with friends. To know that I had even a small part in helping create their experience (which maybe was coming after their own long days) gave me happiness and a sense that all the craziness pays off. 

 

The Restorative Power of Friendship

Yesterday I read something about the moon being in Pisces, and that indicating that things may be a little wonky, and that it might be best to focus on inward thinking and avoid too much outward reactiveness. This week has definitely been a little wonky for me, and last night I remember feeling like all I wanted to do was bury myself in a good book and escape. This evening I was feeling down and out with mid-week fatigue from the above, but ended up interacting with an old friend, who completely changed the tone of my day with a simple nod of acknowledgement of the craziness of the week, and then lighthearted banter. It's amazing how one interaction can change the course of a bad day or week. Thank goodness for those moments.

The Buzzards

There is a group of buzzards (a "wake") that roosts on the top of our local water tower. This morning when I left for work, the group was circling over the woods surrounding my house under thick storm clouds. I hoped that it wasn't an indication of the type of day I was about to have, but had driven home to a full moon the night before as well, so braced myself. I did have a challenging day, but then was able to come home and cuddle with my babes, so much of it melted away. I later read about buzzard and vulture lore and found that they are sometimes seen as signs of renewal, patience and resourcefulness. I think I will carry those meanings with me throughout the day tomorrow.

 

Night Painting

I've been traveling a lot this summer, and with shifting schedules have had to miss a couple of outdoor painting lessons. Now that Fall is upon us, we have far less sunlight in the evenings to paint by. So, this afternoon's lesson quickly turned dark, but was one of the most fun and interesting to date. My task was to use three colors (orange/blue/white, and their various shaded mixtures) to paint a birch tree and it's surroundings. This is the start below. I can't wait to try again. By the time I packed up to leave, a gorgeous full moon was rising over the Arboretum, illuminating a sky full of clouds and field of prairie grasses below. Heaven. 

 

Filiment Song

I have always loved the fairy song of a gently shaken burnt-out lightbulb. The filament gives off the most beautiful high-pitched, distant-sounding, other-worldy jingle. Most bulbs in my house have been replaced by high-efficiency CFLs but there are still a few of the old-school ones. When I flip a switch and they "POOF" I get giddy about shaking them-- like a kid who is about to let loose on bubble-wrap.

 

Love Apple

This time of year, beautiful tomatoes fresh from the garden, warm from the sunshine and smelling of vine are one of my favorite things. I remembered today, as I was slicing one up for dinner, that they were at some point called "love apples" and were thought to be poisonous. When I investigated further, I was thrilled by the scope of the stories (true or false?) that I found: that they were an Aztec side-dish for cannibalistic main courses, that they were once called the "wolf peach" because of a connection to werewolf lore, that they come from the nightshade family so were thought poisonous by many cultures for centuries (and do have trace amounts of poisonous toxins), that a translation of a breed from Africa became something about Moors that was translated by Europeans to "pomme d'amour" (love apple) which then spurred on tales of its aphrodisiac properties. Of course now tomatoes have become such a staple it is difficult to imagine not having them around. Fascinating! 

 

Playhouse Exhibit

Our staff exhibit has been installed in the Playhouse level gallery at Overture! I have the two framed rubbings seen below up on the wall, as well as the Ghost Farm series photographs on a monitor there. It's exciting to walk down the hallway and see people checking out something that I created, and I humbly hope they are getting pleasure rather than pain from my submissions, especially as MMoCA employees and patrons are strolling the halls as well. Hehehehe!!!

 

Stormy Weather

This was an evening of amazing clouds. This morning I was surprised on my morning drive by reports of flash floods. I drove along the country roads and saw fields with round bales sitting in pools. By noon it was sunny and 90 degrees, then by 5 it was raining again. The clouds were moving swiftly across the sky, so the picture above me rapidly evolved. So beautiful!

 

Look Ma, I'm On TV!

I recently had the opportunity to support Overture's high school musical theater program by serving as a volunteer operator on a Wisconsin Public Television pledge drive. The program that night was Pete Seeger: The Power of Song, and in the intervals, the old-fashioned push-button phones (with actual receivers and cords) would sound their alarms and we would begin the process of taking pledges, using a rather antiquated DOS blue screen/gold writing/advance-only computer system (as you can see in the screen-shot below, most of us are squinting and looking slightly befuddled). Hehe! I seemed to get all the over-complicated questions like "I'm already a sustaining member but I just called in a pledge because I WANT THAT CD/DVD SET but can you reverse that and just send me the CD?" The volunteer and paid staff were all wonderful and it was thrilling to be in the studio live and to watch the presenters and crew do their thing. Definitely a first-time experience that warrants repeating. 

 

Twin Trees

Almost every day for the last decade I've driven past the field below which houses "twin trees." The surroundings change so dramatically with the seasons that I've often thought of trying to photograph them daily/weekly/monthly to chart all the different looks-- pink and orange skies reflected on blue-toned snow drifts, bright greens and blues of summer, brown muddy plowed fields with no branches on the trees, all shades of sunrise and sunset. The trees are in a place that would be difficult to stop near however, so I haven't done it. Then again, I've taken the snapshot in my mind almost every day for the last decade (so most likely well over 3,000 times)? I guess that's quite a project in itself. 

 

Motherhood

I've been quite distraught today, knowing that my baby girl is turning 7 years old tomorrow, is beginning  1st grade, is missing both front teeth, and that time is continuing to march on. I tried to give myself all kinds of tasks to keep distracted today-- finally unpacking some remaining boxes and getting my bedroom in order, playing Words With Friends, contemplating some marketing work from home or drawing...but several times I ended up just sobbing and looking through old photos on the floor.

I know that 7 years old is not very old, but in some ways 7 came in the blink of an eye, and it's rather terrifying to think of 14 and 21 (and my resulting ages) to arrive in that fashion as well. Over the years I've observed other parents' caution to keep a tight hold on the passing moments, to make sure they register because they are too soon gone. I've even passed this advice along to newlyweds and new parents. But even so, there the moments fly.

The Fair

Every year on Labor Day weekend, the county fair comes to my hometown. When I was a kid, it was a sign that school was about to begin, so it was time to pack as much fun into the last fleeting moments of summer as possible. I looked forward to stuffing myself silly with fried cheese curds and chocolate malts, watching horse races with my grandpa and dad, and trying to win amazing prizes by popping balloons or throwing ping-pong balls into cups in the midway.

 

As I've grown older the fair has seemed to grow smaller, grittier and more expensive. But, I think it was most likely always the same, and that my childhood rose-colored glasses have just turned a slightly different shade. It is still fun to experience the wonder of it all through the eyes of younger generations, and I always get a heart-warming kick out of looking through the barns and small-town food and crafts exhibits:

 

Walk With Me

This afternoon I finished the second book of a sci-fi trilogy that includes a theme of the natural world demanding for humans to remember our interconnectedness and interdependency. It compelled me to take a long walk in the rugged wilderness (the farm). Here are some pictures from my journey. Hehe!

My road- I still have scars on my knee from my elementary school bike wipe-out right about here.

Queen Anne's Lace- my mom used to tell us Queen Anne pricked her finger while knitting, hence the little red/purple spot in the middle.

Cattails- pretty in the sunshine.

Oak- my favorite stoics.

 

Shell fossil in the old limestone quarry- this used to be an ocean!!!

Horses- they came running down the hill then splashed across the creek to say hello.

Surprise under a rock when I was fossil hunting.

The farm

 

My favorite old vines in the forest.



Pretty feather to finish my journey.

Swayback

When I was in elementary school, a teacher once called me away from the friends I rambunctiously played with at recess, disapprovingly smirked, and told me I had a "swayback." She put one hand on my belly and one on my lower back, pushed in opposite directions, and said I had to be more aware of my posture. I was crushed, although in retrospect I wonder if something else compelled this person to force her hurtful, non-professional opinion on a child. It was an embarrassing and confusing early experience that along with others would catapult me into adulthood with a multitude of body and confidence issues.

This afternoon I treated myself to a massage, and in my intro to the therapist, heard myself say that I had a swayback and had broken my neck as a kid so I naturally carried a lot of tension in certain areas. Then I thought ... wait a second ... what is the statute of limitations on these 30-year-old, fleeting (if horribly traumatic) events? Was I seriously allowing them to continue to define me? Could that inappropriate teacher and that horrible accident still be affecting me physically and mentally to this day?

The massage was amazing, and I do not tell this tale to gain sympathy. But, I do implore you to think about the incredible impact your words and actions can have on the sponge-like minds of children and adults alike, and to stop and think about the origin and actual vs. fictional benefit that any critical words may have on you and the other.

In the meantime, I am going to attempt to rock this bootylicious "swayback" and much like Jennifer Connelly in Labyrinth, peer through the years and frankly tell those childhood traumas "you have no power over me" until they get the picture. :)

From the Mouths of Babes

Tonight I asked my daughter (who is about to enter first grade) what she thought was crazy about the world. She giggled and said "like, when a bunny is sitting right next to a carrot, but he doesn't take the carrot, and just runs into the forest instead!"

Whoa. Deep.

Gum Trees

 

Another lovely rediscovery on my trip to California was the scent and beauty of the Eucalyptus groves. I had the pleasure of staying right next to one, and got to explore on a couple of occasions. I learned that Eucalyptus are referred to as gum trees, are the source of turpenoids that create their unique sweet scent and antibacterial qualities, and are a natural insect repellent and antiseptic.

They were apparently introduced during the Gold Rush by Australian immigrants who hoped to use them for railroad ties, furniture etc., but the young trees of their new home reacted differently from the centuries old ones of their old home when harvested (twisting and becoming rock hard), so they ended up being used as wind breaks instead.

My 6 year old was just as intrigued as I when looking at these photos, by the beautiful colors of the peeling bark, which in person seemed to change color completely with the shifting light, almost like a living painting.