Present-mindedness

Much of my time has been spent consumed by the past or future. I'm sure this is a uniquely human experience, but am uncertain whether it is a product of my home, culture or general era. This feeling propelled me into the pursuit of a theater degree, where I could pretend to be a variety of characters from a variety of times and places, with none of the plague, beheadings or apocalypses. 

Adulthood and its unforeseen solemnity has delivered some dose of reality to me-- the loss of loved ones, childbirth (ouch), child-rearing, financial responsibilities-- have all grabbed me by the lapels and forced me into the present in a way I hadn't experienced or expected in my youth.

Now, I'm in pursuit of a less dramatic sort of present-mindedness-- the type that can help me register fleeting moments like my toddler's last months of babble, or the summer sunshine streaming through my window and releasing the musty odor of the inherited poetry books on my desk.

In writing about solitude (meaning "present-mindedness"), Thich Nhat Hanh said "real solitude comes from a stable heart that does not get carried away by the crowd or our sorrows about the past, our worries about the future...we do not lose ourselves..." The idea is that in being present-minded, registering the actual moment we are living, paying attention to the needs of our minds and bodies here and now, will in turn nourish us in a way that will allow us to become our truest, most peaceful selves, and in turn more able to offer our best selves outwardly.

I am nowhere close to adopting this fully, and will never completely give up my romanticism or love for things old or futuristic. But, thus far, concentrating a little more on the present has given me a fresh and needed peace.